It appears to be internationally accepted counsel for new-comers into recovery out of an addiction, not to get involved in emotional and romantic relationships for a period of up to two years. The reasoning behind this suggested discipline lies in the hope that as you come into recovery you will start to change as a person, so in two years’ time, if you have joined a programme of change, you will not be the same person that you are today. It is also fair to say that, until you are at peace with the person you have become because of the addiction, and then made some necessary changes, the person you hope to be may remain a figment of your ambitions. There is also the toxic danger of wanting a relationship in order to get good feelings from an external source (using). Therefore, in simple terms, it could be relationally detrimental to invest yourself into the life of another person, especially if that other person is also in an early recovery programme.

However, whilst all that may sound like good counsel, in reality, not to be in relationship is simply not an option. Everyone is in ‘relationship’ with everyone else to one degree or another, and where there is ‘relationship’, there simply has to be ‘conflict’.

Continue Reading ->